Failure Studies

The King’s Arms, Salford; Sunday 12th September, 2021

Mark (David Allen) is the boss from hell. There are two major problems with him:

  1. He’s an arsehole;
  2. He loves failure.

He just loves it, so much so he’s turned his personal fetish for failure into a business: some kind of publishing house, a sick-minded journal of non-fulfillment – if you have a proposal / theory / idea on what failure is and how it can be defined, and perhaps even glorified, Mark is the kind of failure-loving arsehole who would definitely want to hear from you.

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Your Playground Voice Is Gone

Salford Arts Theatre; Saturday 11th September, 2021

A secluded fly-tipping spot somewhere in Salford: a group of bored teenagers idly gather to have it out with each other; to take the piss; to find out who’s doing what; find out what he said; find out what she said – work out whether any of it actually means anything.

It feels like typical teenage banter on a dull weekend – so then why is one of them dressed in school uniform?

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Leaving Vietnam

The King’s Arms, Salford; Sunday 5th September, 2021

Jimmy Vandenberg was well on his way to the American Dream – working as a mechanic for Ford, literally in Motown itself; a new home; a sweetheart to miss, sugar to kiss; perhaps the chance to one day own a ‘69 Mustang of his own?

But this was America in the late ‘60s – and for millions like Jimmy the guardians of the American Dream had set a price for entry, a price that would need to be paid in the jungles of Vietnam.

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Why I Am An Avocado

The Empty Space, Salford; Thursday 2nd September, 2021

Super interesting fact: avocado trees do not self-pollinate; one avocado tree can’t stand alone and be successful, it needs a partner. And the fruits themselves always grow in pairs on the tree.

And yes, they are a fruit.

None of this explains why you are an avocado, but it might just add a titillating giggleberry of curio-intriguism to the fringey mystery that is “Why I Am An Avocado” – a fascinating offering from the emerging enigmas that are Elephant In The Closet Theatre.

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Look At Me Don’t Look At Me

HOME Theatre, Manchester; Friday 13th August, 2021

Things you need to know: he was a bit of an arrogant arse; she couldn’t get enough of him.

Rashdash Theatre’s “Look At Me Don’t Look At Me” opens with a smoky, hazy melancholy which immediately suggests that both He and She are just as annoying and dreadful as each other and should, in fact, probably both be ignored in the hope that they might just go away.

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Back To Ours

The Empty Space, Media City, Salford; Friday 23rd October, 2020

Manchester, 1987: the epicentre of being on the edge of greatness. Something is happening, something big. A revolution is in full swing, an unstoppable and irresistible movement is sweeping up the city’s youth.

Music. Drugs. Sex.


“This is the story of how I became a fucking legend.”

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