Men Chase, Women Choose

Men Chase, Women Choose

S. Giddens, E. Shotton; Hope Mill Theatre, Hope Mill, 113 Pollard Street, Manchester, M4 7JA; 14:00, Sunday 7th July, 2019.

Figure 1 – Women doing science



Giddens & Shotton present a powerful argument that latent, societal gender narratives embedded in early 21st century scientific paradigms are false – specifically because the science was all done by men.


  • 2 x cheeky t shirts
  • 1 x lab coat
  • 1 x PowerPoint slide deck
  • 1 x Charles Darwin rap
  • 2 x synchronised swimmers
  • 1 x reasoned outpouring of contemporary, sexua-scientific expressionistic dance
  • 1 x earnest “It’s not in your hands, it’s in your glands” poem
  • 0 x shits given



The Giddens & Shotton hypothesis is presented over the course of an hour through various vehicles and honed procedures of modern, experimental theatrics.

Despite the relatively restricted presentation slot, the authors cover fully twelve centuries worth of facts and reasoned argument that stick it to the scientific *atriarchy.

Lead science-proclaimer Giddens delivered a strong, cogent narrative to accompany the on-screen PowerPoint slides.

Lead science-expressor Shotton remained highly sexualised throughout.



The Giddens & Shotton hypothesis was successfully demonstrated by delivery to an informed and knowledgeable audience of esteemed observers [1]. Points and counter-points were proffered in an enthusiastic and authoritative manner. No objections were raised.

The headline results and key findings of the Giddens & Shotton hypothesis are:

  • Farms are, like, so bad
  • Bearded Greek men[2] banged on a bit
  • Freud[3], Darwin[4], Attenborough[5] are all in on it
  • The Female Seed



No men were able to raise supporting evidence in favour of the null hypothesis.

Given the strength of evidence provided, it was agreed unanimously by the attendant audience that the alternative hypothesis of Giddens & Shotton should be adopted.



Giddens & Shotton are able to successfully demonstrate that men chase, women choose; this was specifically achieved by using the same science that men have been banging on about for, like, ages.

The work of Giddens & Shotton is a lecture on the dubious science behind our gender narratives, a 3-d essay performed by sexual scientists who launch a fair rant across 12,000 years of the *atriarchy. 

The presenters went so far as to anticipate an impending accusation of displaced hysterika[6] from the scientific establishment; both Giddens & Shotton were able to successfully forward-defend themselves against such unreasoned accusations by successfully returning the uterus back to its rightful place – via the gift of contemporary dance.

The Giddens & Shotton hypothesis has been delivered with high-paced franticism, the authors have, through reason and experiment, genuinely advanced a more correct and rational explanation of just what the fuck is actually going on in the world.



[0] –

[1] – including men

[2] – see Plato (man), Aristotle (man) blah blah blah

[3] – see Freud, Sigmund; established mind pervert (man)

[4] – see Darwin, Charles; established paradigm setter (man)

[5] – see Attenborough, David; head biological sciences expressor (man) 

[6] – see Hippocrates (man)



Figure 2 – An example of women choosing – specifically to hold fruit whilst wearing gloves.


Figure 3 – Detailed example of the Giddens & Shotton method.


Figure 4 – The experimental work of Giddens & Shotton.




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